New print shop up over on INPRNT - Lower prices, higher print quality!
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Trans thoughts, on certainty
One of the things which really delayed my willingness to explore transition was the narrative of "I've always known". I haven't always known, so that to me meant I probably wasn't trans.
Then I had a conversation with a friend of mine very recently, and she told me that it was never clear to her that she was going to become a woman, or whether she was butch or femme. Her transition instead was a series of small experimental steps, seeing how it felt, and then taking the next small step that seemed clear and obvious from her vantage point at that moment.
It was so important for me to hear that, as someone whose experience of gender is characterised by uncertainty and ambiguity. Transitioning doesn't have to be one single, big decision. It can simply be following a gradient of small certainties to whatever conclusion you arrive at.
I call this meeting of The Best Friends Communist Front to order
It's good to be honest with yourself when having real human emotions
It is completely self evident that rules are given significance only by the way that people change their behaviour because of them. So long as people consent to change their behaviour according to rules, the rules "do something".
We can, at any point, choose to ignore the rules, and either keep playing or stop playing. The question here, posed productively is: why? Why follow the rules in the first place, and why stop following them?
The answer to that is job of the game designer.
Why would we play soccer instead of just kicking a ball around or going for a jog? Why would we decide to ignore or change a rule in soccer?
"Games don't do things, people do things" is a common refrain. And sure! Games are literally inert text. But if the things that people do matter, then if I do something based on something I or someone else has written down, it also matters. The question, posed productively, is: in what way does it matter?
That answer needs to hold true for all kinds of games where rules are written down: board games, sports, etc. No "RPGs are a special case", rules interpretation be damned. FIFA literally employs staff for rules interpretation. Does soccer change when you change the rules?
The takeaway is that no useful concept can be derived from negation.
Negation isn't "real". It doesn't exist. Only existence exists. That which is true is organized by existence.
So problems posed from the perspective of negation cannot be solved, and in fact presume their own unsolvability.
This might be why there is a false sense of profundity which accrues around concepts of negation.
long quote, Bergson
When we ask "why is there something rather than nothing?" or "why is there order rather than disorder?" or "Why is there this rather than that (when that was equally possible?" we fall into the same error: we mistake the more for the less, we behave as though nonbeing existed before being, disorder before order and the possible before existence. As though being came to fill in a void, order to organize a preceding disorder, the real to realize a primary possibility. Being, order, or the existent are truth itself: but in the false problem there is a fundamental illusion, a "retrograde movement of the true," according to which being, order, and the existent are supposed to precede themselves, or to precede the creative act that constitutes them, by projecting an image of themselves back into a possibility, a disorder, a nonbeing which are supposed to be primordial.
- Gilles Deleuze, Bergsonism
My cousin's yearly music review went out! And it was so on time that I missed it!
As I continue to say - there's almost no overlap in our tastes in music, but nonetheless he somehow always manages to be entirely correct.
ADHD and mental health management
Something I need to remind myself often is that my own internalised feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness actually makes it harder to make progress on things that are difficult for me, especially when that thing is easy for most other people.
It's hard, and it feels unintuitive because I have been culturally trained to believe that negative feedback is the best motivator for change, but I need to remind myself as best I can being kind to myself actually makes it easier to succeed.
It already hurts to struggle and fail with literally everything. Hating myself for the fact that I struggle at all in the first place just makes it worse, and then recriminating myself for feeling bad is recursive madness. Interrupting that loop of self-loathing is the first and most necessary step.
Anyways, it's something I need to think about this morning as I face a day with less than six hours of sleep, so I'm re-watching this good video:
Cooking, alc, recipe
I used this beer pancake recipe because I had a beer lying around in the fridge: https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/beer-pancakes-569b7032e8037d6c28f57e8a
A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.