This is the last one I’m making.
I’m at a higher risk of dying in a car crash because of my comorbidities (smoking, good hairline, wearing a leather jacket)
“This life jacket requirement might as well be a straightjacket requirement” - me, America’s foremost drowning advocate
Bucs coach Bruce Arians is driven by a lifelong desire to please two men
My dogs restless leg syndrome is flaring up so excuse me if I’m not fixated on “not plowing through a farmers market”, okay?
We’re doing this over zoom now
🎵I love my wife to pieces I’m happy to report 🎵
me these days
If you're looking for something to keep you busy during social distancing, why not remember every time you said something embarrassing or made a joke that didn't land in front of someone you liked or respected?
This footloose sequel sucks
Definitely DO stop flying, actually. You are not going to intimidate the virus.
Hi, Big Pun here with a message from the health department. One thing you CAN measure with 6 rulers: The appropriate distance to stay away from others.
think I might be becoming a germophobe
some people say i have too many thirsty reply guys but i think that's an oversimplification
The governor has announced a total ban on exploring bodies and spaces
Walking around outside silently judging everyone else for walking around outside
Remember when it was legal to have food in big trays for the public to breath on and eat?
going absolutely apeshit in my lord's wheat fields
A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.