THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
THE TARGET HAS NOT YET NOTICED THE PAYLOAD
"no horse stuff today?"
"nope, no horse stuff today. i think either tom or you had a hand in it"
"yeah, a couple months ago somebody put THIS on my desk"
HE PICKED IT UP AND MOVED IT HE HAS NOT REALIZED THE RIDER IS NEW WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL
he's finally made the connection to his camel pictures but he's talking about it like the horse pranks stopped a few weeks ago HE LITERALLY HE PICKED IT UP HOW POWERFUL IS CHANGE BLINDNESS HOLY HELL
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????????? HE'S JUST. CASUALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL NOW
THE THREE OF THEM STAND AROUND HIS DESK, LIKE A TRIBUNAL
OUR STEADFAST RIDER SITS BETWEEN THEM, PLAIN AS DAY
NONE OF THEM ARE AWARE THAT THIS HORSE DIDN'T ORIGINALLY HAVE A RIDER ON IT, OR REINS, OR A BRIDLE, OR A SADDLE
THE TRIBUNAL HAS RETURNED TO THEIR TASKS
BACK TO WORK!!!
I AM GOBSMACKED
THE TARGET HAS NOT ATTENDED HIS REGULAR 9:00 MEETING
OPERATIONS WILL NEED TO BE ALTERED ACCORDINGLY
STAND BY FOR GLORY, COMRADES
WE'LL SEE THIS MISSION THROUGH TO VICTORY, NO MATTER THE HARDSHIPS
let's use this break to briefly, unrelatedly, ponder what in the fresh hell is going on over in THIS corner of the office today,
just want to let y'all know that today's payload is an absolute masterpiece that i stayed up in bed working on on my phone for an hour and a half after when i was supposed to go to sleep last night
AND I WON'T SPOIL ITS GLORY BY POSTING IT EARLY
YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN MY STRIKE IS SUCCESSFUL
a super old lady i'm vaguely familiar with just passed me in the hall, made direct eye contact, grinned and loudly made some kind of demonic noise, "wrrhooOO!" (silent H)
what the fuck
maybe she was trying to say howareYOUUUU but her mouth was full of sand
INTERLOPERS GO AWAY I NEED THIS
so yesterday i tried to print this horse on the top corner of his camel print-out
i snuck over to his stash, carefully extracted the TAINTED ARTIFACT, and loaded it into the printer to be printed upon
.... unfortunately it's a weird shape cuz he cut out his horrible print job to make it look less like shit so all i accomplished was jamming the printer
after which i had to open up the whole damned printer (which is larger than my entire body) to rescue the TAINTED ARTIFACT from it's clutches, and return it to its nest.
there is a vaguely horse-shaped smudge on it, now, but overall the operation was a failure
LEAVE YOUR DESK YOU SHITTER
STOP SKIPPING MEETINGS
🚨 THE TARGET IS DISCUSSING LUNCH PLANS 🚨
HE IS STRONGLY CONSIDERING JIMMY JOHNS
MY DISGUST, AND CONTEMPT, SURGE EVER HIGHER
🚨 OPERATIONAL SUCCESS 🚨
🚨 I REPEAT, ALL UNITS REPORTING OPERATIONAL SUCCESS 🚨
WE NOW AWAIT THE TARGET'S RETURN
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
ONE OF THE TARGET'S MAIN SUSPECTS, WHO NORMALLY WORKS FROM A DIFFERENT OFFICE, STOPPED BY FOR A VISIT
I COULDN'T HAVE PLANNED THIS BETTER
he's gonna be absolutely convinced this guy is responsible when he hears he was here from his cube neighbor
THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
as if to prove the message on the payload as correct as possible, he hasn't fucking noticed it
I WILL NOT ABANDON MY POST UNTIL I WITNESS HIS REACTION TO TODAY'S OPERATION
I WILL STARVE IN THIS CHAIR BEFORE I MISS THIS MOMENT, THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW TO YOU ALL,
i casually let him know he's "been horsed again".
"i got horsed??! damn! how long's that been there!"
he hasn't gotten up to look at it yet, perhaps awaiting his cube neighbor's return
"HEY TOM. I GOT HORSED AGAIN."
"you got horsed??"
"it HAD to be"
"i think it's ZOEY. only common denominator."
HE HAS PICKED UP THE SHEET
HE IS STUDYING IT
HE IS WRITING ON THE SHEET WITH A LARGE RED MARKER?????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
IS HE DOING ALGEBRA TO PROVE MY GUILT????
HE HAS PUT ASIDE ALL WORK TO PONDER THE PAGE
HE IS ROTATING BACK AND FORTH IN HIS CHAIR, SHEET IN ONE HAND, MARKER IN THE OTHER, DEEP IN CONTEMPLATION
"i didn't even notice it...."
"look at this! 7/9? 10/22? they put the saddle, and then the guy... I didn't even notice it! did you?"
"i didn't notice all that, no!"
"i know it's not you, now. huh. goddamn."
i can barely make out their words.. something about the camels, and retirement, and pension
"all I know is that horse is mine! taking it with me!"
"taking it with me!"
"that's a good retirement gift right there, it is"
"not giving them the chance! not-"
"--make the announcement, then maybe--"
"All I know is that'll maybe force the situation, working from home all the time"
"somebody knows! somebody knows!!"
i know he's planning to go on vacation for the next two weeks, but maybe he plans to work from home full-time next year until retirement ... and he thinks somebody is gonna take the horse back while he's on vacation
LITTLE DOES HE KNOW
THERE'S TWO MORE HORSES
"who was standing by my cube today?"
me: "carlos came by"
"CARLOS CAME BY???"
"Carlos came by! He was here!"
"IT'S CARLOS. ITS GOTTA BE."
"WE GOT THE SUSPECT"
"so look, here's today's horse. so the thing is, i got the plain horse in july.... but then..."
"HE'S BEEN DOING THIS THE WHOLE TIME!??"
"you know, i THOUGHT that looked different... i didn't remember the little guy on there..."
"i THOUGHT it was Tom, but he was at lunch WITH me today, and i got horsed!"
"it's CARLOS. he's always in town on wednesdays for that meeting..."
"this is every TUESDAY though"
"is it? i thought it was wednesday"
"nope! nope! every tuesday. it's like a... pre-humpday."
"maybe he's in early for that meeting?"
"I dunno, I dunno. Now we gotta go back and check if Carlos was in town on these months..."
"i'm telling you, we got him. we got him. the suspect has been caught."
it is all i can do to face away from them and hide my laughter right now oh my god
focusing on transcribing their S-tier detective work is the only thing keeping me from cackling like an insane banshee
i'm so hungry
i think he only accused me earlier to see if I'd crack and give away the game
BUT MY PROFESSIONALISM IS BEYOND REPROACH, GOOD SIR
I TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN THIS, THE ONLY WORK I PUT ANY EFFORT INTO,
"CARLOS. ____. he was here last tuesday, he was here today. Horse."
"did you notice the horse changes???"
"oh my god"
"no saddle. not even the saddle!"
"this note shows up."
"have you perchance checked the date recently! i'm not following"
"guess what DAY it is"
"and then HE shows up (rider?)"
"7/19 the horse, 10/22.... So the person who was doing this took the time to take pictures historically...
"that horse is mine! it's coming down to my house after i retire"
"i SWORE it was Troy, lying to me, but NAH, it's CARLOS."
"now CARLOS is saying it's YOU."
"he's lying. he's lying. where would i get a horse from??"
"hell yeah he's lying. it's fuckin him -laughing-"
"Carlos is going to the iron throne!!! (???)"
"he's so full of shit. we got him. we got him."
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