vent about my unemployment. as well as a poll for it at the end 

It's that time of day again, where I realise that I've permanently skewed my perception of employment to be horrifically worse than it appears to most people.

Not to mention my legs are weakening every day and I'm busy sitting on a benefit scrambling to find something entry level again so I can pay my taxes again, but because my legs are weakening, I can't go back to most entry level jobs.

I hate being on the benefit. I hate being tied to a diet of mostly rice. But I hate feeling weak even more.

Not to slander anyone on the benefit; that's not my intention at all. My intention is to be someone people can rely on, so they don't have to peer into the chromatic fire that is my emotional state. Being stuck without a job, with one friend in person, with no fork of transport, is NOT reliable.

How much squeeze is worth it, though? Is it worth going back to a grave shift and a broken sleep schedule for minimum wage?

very disappointing and depressing vent. 

I've tried for god knows how long trying to help everyone who comes to me and I think I've finally met my breaking point.

I'm becoming more of an alcoholic, stress eating more, and starting to distrust everyone I love, snapping at them and eyeing every word they make.

It doesn't help that one of my partners, the one person I actually could SEE raising a child with, just wants to be friends.

People are people at the end of the day. I don't blame them for leaving me. I don't blame the straw that broke my back being suspicious of someone willing to help them for nothing. I, however, do blame my idiocy and pure masochistic need to be a martyr for anything that fucking breathes.

If I wasn't a bitch, this'd be a farewell note. I'm a jester at the end of the day, and a dead jester makes no laughs.

Keep yourselves happy. I'll probably limp my way to a psych ward or a vacation spot and see how I feel.

critical levels of cute detected in your area

CW: Losing those you care about, and being unable to help (just skip this one) 

Two people have informed me that I'm not going to see them again, but they'd say goodbye before they go. What a fantastic thing to wake up to.

It makes me think I'm a monster, somehow causing my friends to off themselves, despite me being there for them and trying my best to give them sound advice for life, emotions, cooking, money... Isn't it fantastic?

Don't you just wish you could just fucking wake up and not have a searing hot vat of oil spilt down your nose every time you breathe?

Ugh. Hooray for me polluting the timeline. Keep scrolling.

Songs from trackers (mod, xm files) 

Yknow, sometimes I keep forgetting how ingenious some people can be with trackers and making such brilliant masterpieces

FOUNTAIN.MOD, such a wonderful piece of work - the brilliant and soothing woodwind instrument with the acoustic guitar backing it up, before breaking down into a rock-esque chorus

Hell, even simple little ditties like stages.mod, from Need for Madness, are just so fantastic

It makes me seethe that I'm physically unable to create anything decent like this lmao

My dreams being really wholesome for once 

I had such a fantastic dream, where my trans dude friend was post-top surgery, growing hair on their chest, and me and them were snuggling and I was vibing, laying on their chest and texting my partner

My ex (who is still super awesome) says that I'm getting married, and me and my partner were super confused and surprised, but then my ex says "i've been evaluating your relationship and you two seriously are gonna hitch it off wonderfully, the years have been good for you two"

Then I started idly singing some old Jack Johnson songs and then mentioned JJBA stands and my friend looked at me in the eyes and said "are you really mentioning stands again" and we both laughed at it, before i ended up saying "I'm gonna be real, your snakebites are super good, your face really suits them after all these years"

Sometimes, I feel like the future isn't gonna crush me. Today feels good 💕

my brain being normal 

why the fuck does my brain immediately go to "good legs" on a fucking aardvark what is wrong with my brain 😳

Weather picture 

It's been fifteen thousand years since I've felt sun on my face because I always keep my curtains closed, so take a photo of the sky (featuring a lamp post because hell yeah)

Help with rent, food, and other things 

I don't know why but so far I haven't received any stimulus payment. Money is running out and I have rent to pay ($540), food to buy ($75), storage to pay off ($180), and taxes to do ($65). My next check from work won't come until after all these are due. Can you help an enby out? (Boosts appreciated.)

#TransCrowdFund #CrowdFund #Nonbinary #ActuallyAutistic

music related take 

every single genre is okay

people who yell at people for liking X genre are silly

yes that means country is valid and so is bluegrass FIGHT ME

fediverse, tell me:

what is your favorite cheese? Feel free to go into specifics if you like one for pizzas and one for sandwiches or whatever, too!

(lactose free and vegan cheese substitutes count too!)

I came across an article on why "how are you" is a terrible greeting these days and I've never considered it a good greeting

like if you do this I don't blame you, bc it's baked into western culture

but even in the Before Times I was never fine and the scripted question sent me reeling. now nobody's fine and we're faced with realizing that asking someone to assess and summarize their whole situation into "I'm fine" is a terrible idea

checkmate, neutotypicals

Venting about Employmbt 

As much as I love the fact that I finally got work, working nightshift and being disconnected time-wise from those you love (as well as having blisters on your feet and your arms + back being shattered from lifting 15kg per box) is seriously fucking me up - as well as having to bike there and back every day through a sketchy neighbourhood and having your PTSD fuckin trigger every thirty minutes from someone slamming shit next to you

Anyway y'all are precious never forget

self hatred - hunger 

does anyone know how to stop being hungry and not wasting money because in a few fucking seconds i'm going to perform open stomach surgery and rip this useless piece of shit out, all i've done is eat and i can't find a job and it's driving me up the fucking wall

you're all valid by the way, just needing to vent into the void a bit

Positive words about the person reading this (you!) 

hey there radical town public reader, just a reminder that

1. You are valid
2. You are a good person
3. Hydration is important

Now back to your regularly scheduled timeline. Take care 💜

You ever just drink only lacroix for a month, so that when you try normal water you go HOLY CANOLI THIS IS NICE

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.