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"Hi, I'm Jake. I'm cool" - a real thing I said tonight that definitely wont haunt me forever

@byttyrs is it a funny bio? Maybe. Is it an appropriate way to introduce myself to a real person? Absolutely not.

@laser but it's inappropriate in a harmless way. that makes it funny and clever

@laser

you're only allowed to say this if you're stuck in a walk in fridge and youre struggling to make small talk

@laser

even then its a fundamentally uncool thing to say because there is no cool way to be stuck in a walk in freezer

@spookcentral sounds like a good premise for a flashback episode to me.

@laser @selfsame i’ve said similar things, except instead of “i’m cool” it was “i’m definitely not a cop”

@laser sorry, but it only works when you say your name is Laser.

@laser hey remember that time you met the guy from SNL and you yelled "the Gap!" at him?

@laser they thought it was charming methinks

@laser literally when we left the show they were saying nice things about all of you people

@laser also literally I was like “this is jake, he’s cool” idk what else you would have said

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