Sticky toot

Me, upending a bowl of grapes: “For the last time Susan, these are *table* grapes”

Sticky toot

Hi, I’m King, I’m not very good at writing a bio of myself, but I like good food, movies, and building things (usually out of wood)!
I’m not really an online person and I don’t do social media, so this is pretty unique to me.
It’s just King, not “a King” or “The King”. Like King Kong (no relation).
Please feel free to say hello, I’d love to get to know you.

Sticky toot

If you were really a socialist you would share your followers with me

On this account, we prefer our oatmeal plain. 😈

Gonna declare this a lewd account and then just post the most boring wholesome content.

King boosted

my display name means A Large And Tasty Sandwich

King boosted

mastodon is a muppets movie and eugen is the only character played by a human and not by a muppet

King boosted

protip: leave your glasses on a plate covered in syrup. now your glasses smell like syrup!

King boosted

1 year mastoversary Follow Friday!!! 1/X 

Fuck the Washington Post. I hope this reporter gets a better gig soon

The best part of taking some time off Mastodon is that I wasn’t constantly mentally posting

Actually the “AR” stands for “alright alright alright”

King boosted

@JohnBrownJr @king fellas, is it gay to love the people you live with? All of them have either touched or come from your balls

King boosted

@king boy i just really can’t stand my family and i need some products to buy that reflect that

King boosted

“Hm, no new notifications?” me, after not logging in for a month

King boosted
King boosted

I'm spilling the beans!
*everyone is very upset*
Okay, okay, I'm sweeping up the beans!

King boosted

20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Jimmy Buffet. Now I’ve got no job, no hope, and they’re about to close the Golden Corral up the road

King boosted

[Boomer Voice]
"Errrr.... I think I broke the internet!?"

King boosted

Imagining @matt hearing "the middle" play over a grocery store intercom and quietly saying "oh fuck yeah" to himself under his breath

King boosted
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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.