Sticky toot

Then this young guy comes a-ringing, my most slothful feast he's bringing,
For the grim and grave travails of the kitchen do I shirk,
“With a pie of cheeses shredded, thou,” I said, “bring sticks a-breaded,
Slices plenty, sausage sizzling, carried with a knowing smirk—
Let me tip you with a tenner so I don't seem like a jerk!”

Quoth the pizza man,
“fuck work"

grant boosted

i personally only get busy in the Burger King bathroom

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I’m too hot to be this depressed

i would like an annie's homegrown organic bunny fruit snack

nadiya hussain is a straight-up conjurer and i would like a daily feed from the inside of her kitchen, please

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let's get some business cards printed and start working on our best friend (who is also the anubis

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@remulacfrommars someone wrote to the Dear Prudence column a while ago saying, "my husband is an ICE agent and suddenly my friends don't want to be friends with us anymore, how do I make them see that he's really a good guy," and Prudence was like, "oh, see, your husband is a fascist actually, your friends are right to shun you"

grant boosted

Joe Biden is just Pierce Hawthorne from community and also Chevy chase on the set of community

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This finally came in the mail. Time to listen to 100 gecs and post some truly indecipherable memes

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its so fucked up that when jimmy was doing the animorphs read-along, i popped in during the first session, said the aliens should have italian accents, and dipped

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regrettably i must go to a tower miles away and take in a video game

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fuck yeah let's get some business cards printed and start screaming at me

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@swampwitch69 i don't know if i'v3 told this story on here before or not, but i didn't learn to crawl until very late because i would just hold onto my dog's tail as a small child and then she would walk around the house and i would let go when i got where i wanted

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thinkin about a guy who constantly gets 'monsters' and 'mobsters' confused. thinkin of that guy goin to the movies.

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@jackdaw_ruiz I’m on the kitchen floor eating directly from the fridge

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the krassensteins can't cum unless someone shouts "IMPEACH!" at them in my shitposting muse

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me: i'm a Useless Lesbian. i know not coochie seal

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Radical Town

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