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Davieroid :verified: boosted

* economically responsible dad voice* could use a twisty slide right now

showing a pic of my partner like "look what I can do"

kids tend to like me, I think it's because I don't talk down to them. I could make a short joke here, but I think I'm above it.

my eyes glancing down on my paper as I write, waiting for the predictive text.

Math homework: after driving for two hours, Juan is 110 miles from his apartment. After driving five hours, he is 275 miles from it, but no closer to a sense of peace and freedom.

His average speed is 55mph; but of course he speeds and slows throughout the course of his journey, stopping at a Denny's and later a liquor store for some Bangβ„’. He speeds recklessly as a rush of fear overtakes him, never before has he been this far from home, this full of self doubt. But noβ€” he cannot give up. He's going to make it to The Mall of America.

i know it's popular to dunk on baby names, and I'm not the biggest fan of the name Nevaeh, but I tend to like your average Nevaeh more than your average Steve

Davieroid :verified: boosted

I want one of those cool custom aftermarket skeletons

Davieroid :verified: boosted

I've never heard a man described as "dressed to kill". "i'm not too hopeful about these peace talks, look at the president, he's dressed to kill"

Davieroid :verified: boosted

me and my favourite person are in an open marriage. it's so open that neither one of us are in it.

lewd shitpost 

balls are good i don't care what the haters say. they're like scenery for your dick. rolling hills. your dick is the castle

Davieroid :verified: boosted

apparently the website "the knot" is for weddings, but when it came up in my results about changing my name, I thought safesearch was off

I'm a compassionate narcissist. I want the best for you, and I know that I'm the best.

*me, writing this post* "I could put 'condoms', but I think lube covers more sex havers. well, it shouldn't cover them if it's expired"

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Davieroid :verified: boosted

I've done a lot of soul searching but i still haven't found it

the shortest, saddest story is not "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." it's "Lube, expired."

Davieroid :verified: boosted

don't talk to me until I've had my Java SE Runtime Environment

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.