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Seriouspost to other dudes--

One way to help trans people is being socially open with your own emotions. Talking about how things make you feel, or when things hurt you, really helps trans guys feel normal.

I really struggle a lot with feeling not-really-a-guy because something hurt me. You all being open is a reassuring example sometimes. 🙏🏼

@erosdiscordia I think that emotional openness is also a cure for a lot of us cis dudes who have been forced to aspire to toxic ideals our entire lives. There's definitely a healing process exposed by that kind of honesty.

One of the most painful aspects is this idea that we're not supposed to express anything at all, at least, not in any sort of negative context. You're just sort of told to swallow your hurt and "be a man" about it.

Male MH ~ 

@erosdiscordia I think you can take pride in the fact you process your emotions in a healthy way. It doesn't make you less valid.

Suicide is the leading killer of men under 40, and that's down to men bottling up their emotions, or feeling like they don't "measure up" to what society expects of them.

Rightly or wrongly, men are valued according to what they do & "how well they provide". Take away their job for long enough or bankrupt them and their mental health collapses.

Male MH ~ 

@erosdiscordia my first hand experience of this btw was having a full blown mental breakdown towards the end of 2017.

That was the result of me dealing with too much stress & anxiety for too long. If I'd sought help when I needed it then things would never have gotten that bad!

The frustrating thing is I'm aware of this toxic masculinity BS but *still* have problems processing emotions or asking for help. 🤦‍♂️

Male MH ~ 

@bobstechsite @erosdiscordia That's frustrating, but so valid...! It's so hard to change something that's so ingrained.

Before I came out and transitioned, I thought I was different--I knew what gender I was on the inside and was determined to be feminine as much as possible--but I _still_ ended up subconsciously stifling myself and my emotions. Even now it's hard for me not to come off as stoic...!

"If it feels good, do it," is what I now try to live by.

@erosdiscordia

This is good advice.

A lot of us are socialized not to examine our feelings and not to understand or express them. For me, it can lead to a lot of outbursts of anger and behavior that I couldn't really articulate or explain even as I was doing it. More so when I was younger, but still today I can feel myself reacting in that way. I have a lot more tools to deal with it once I decided to recognize and be open about it.

@erosdiscordia Others have covered what I was going to say, most notably @sean and @bobstechsite so I'll add that these expectations are part of toxic masculinity and that unfortunately there are those who see expressing emotion and vulnerability as a weakness. Some see doing so as something to exploit, which is unfortunate.

It's actually why I have a locked-down alternate account on a different instance. I feel safer expressing my eotions there than I do on this public account.

@ND3JR @erosdiscordia @sean @bobstechsite it's a really vicious cycle. Growing up you're told in no uncertain terms that showing emotions is weak and that weakness is to be despised.

Yet many of the men around you *do* express emotions. Anger is chief among them, followed by hate and contempt. So we learn that our only acceptable outlet is anger.

@ND3JR @erosdiscordia @sean @bobstechsite so we all have anger management issues of some description, and we suppress every other emotion until it blows up into rage or erode us on the inside causing a host of mental issues.

This is a struggle for me as I am trying to grow emotionally at the age of 35, hoping to end the cycle with me and not pass it onto my son.

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