i've had a lot of long-running threads but this has got to be my favorite so far, by far,
HE HAS CONFIRMED THE TIME-LAPSE FUNCTIONALITY ON HIS IPAD
TARGET'S SURVEILLANCE CAPABILITIES: ACKNOWLEDGED
HORSEDAY OPERATIONAL SECURITY CONCERNS: NEGLIGIBLE
YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD HORSE DOWN, BITCH 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎
POWERING DOWN HORSEDAY.EXE TO BASELINE, ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONALITIES FOR THE NEXT 14 DAYS IN PREPARATION FOR PHASE 4
LOCKDOWN EXTENDED FOR AN ADDITIONAL 7 DAYS, AS THE TARGET IS RETREATING FOR SOME SORT OF ARCANE RITUAL INVOLVING LARGE DOMESTIC BIRDS
PHASE FOUR OPERATIONAL ACTIVITIES REPLANNED FOR DECEMBER 3RD
THE TARGET HAS NOT LEFT HIS DAMNED DESK ALL DAY
I AWAIT MY CHANCE FOR GLORY
FROM MY HQ I SURVEIL ALL SURROUNDINGS
HERE YOU CAN SEE MY SECRET: I HAVE ANGLED REFLECTIONS TO EVERY SINGLE CO-WORKER'S HEAD & MONITOR
FIRST, THE HORSETARGET. EASY. THEN, BOSSMAN -- BY MOVING SIDE TO SIDE BOTH MONITORS BECOME VISIBLE (this is a reflection of a reflection).
BUT LASTLY. THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE. THE GUY BEHIND THE WALL IN FRONT OF ME. CAN YOU SEE IT? CAN YOU SEE HIS BALD HEAD? CUZ I CAN, AND IT INSTANTLY TELLS ME IF HE'S THERE OR NOT
THE MAN CATTYCORNER TO ME CAN BE SPOTTED VIA MY CLEVERLY PLACED DESK LAMP, NEVER USED
THE GUY NEXT TO HIM (quiet fellow) IS VISIBLE THROUGH THIS CONVENIENTLY PLACED CRACK
AND THE LARGE FELLOW DIRECTLY ACROSS THE AISLE TO MY RIGHT CAN BE BARELY, BUT COVERTLY, SURVEILLED THROUGH THIS SLIVER OF A REFLECTION (of a reflection, maybe of another reflection). HERE YOU CAN SPOT THE ARCH OF HIS ORTHOPEDIC CHAIR, PUSHED IN, SIGNIFYING HIS ABSENCE
the man behind me is a simpler affair, as he is oblivious to anything but his work, so i simply turn around and look at him. he is usually sitting right there when i've pulled off horseday operations -- he never notices
if he doesn't FUCKIN LEAVE soon i'll have to make the switch after he fully leaves for the day, but that will mean i miss his initial reaction tomorrow morning (he gets in at like 6AM like a maniac)
🚨 OPERATIONAL SUCCESS, FOLKS 🚨
I REPEAT, OPERATIONAL SUCCESS!!!!!!!
AND NOW ALL THERE IS TO DO IS AWAIT OUR TARGET'S RETURN
OVER AND OUT COMRADES, HOOOOOOOO RAH
he better come fucking back this is the only reason i haven't fled work as soon as my boss turned his back
THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
THE TARGET HAS NOT YET NOTICED THE PAYLOAD
"no horse stuff today?"
"nope, no horse stuff today. i think either tom or you had a hand in it"
"yeah, a couple months ago somebody put THIS on my desk"
HE PICKED IT UP AND MOVED IT HE HAS NOT REALIZED THE RIDER IS NEW WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL
he's finally made the connection to his camel pictures but he's talking about it like the horse pranks stopped a few weeks ago HE LITERALLY HE PICKED IT UP HOW POWERFUL IS CHANGE BLINDNESS HOLY HELL
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????????? HE'S JUST. CASUALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL NOW
THE THREE OF THEM STAND AROUND HIS DESK, LIKE A TRIBUNAL
OUR STEADFAST RIDER SITS BETWEEN THEM, PLAIN AS DAY
NONE OF THEM ARE AWARE THAT THIS HORSE DIDN'T ORIGINALLY HAVE A RIDER ON IT, OR REINS, OR A BRIDLE, OR A SADDLE
THE TRIBUNAL HAS RETURNED TO THEIR TASKS
BACK TO WORK!!!
I AM GOBSMACKED
THE TARGET HAS NOT ATTENDED HIS REGULAR 9:00 MEETING
OPERATIONS WILL NEED TO BE ALTERED ACCORDINGLY
STAND BY FOR GLORY, COMRADES
WE'LL SEE THIS MISSION THROUGH TO VICTORY, NO MATTER THE HARDSHIPS
let's use this break to briefly, unrelatedly, ponder what in the fresh hell is going on over in THIS corner of the office today,
just want to let y'all know that today's payload is an absolute masterpiece that i stayed up in bed working on on my phone for an hour and a half after when i was supposed to go to sleep last night
AND I WON'T SPOIL ITS GLORY BY POSTING IT EARLY
YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN MY STRIKE IS SUCCESSFUL
a super old lady i'm vaguely familiar with just passed me in the hall, made direct eye contact, grinned and loudly made some kind of demonic noise, "wrrhooOO!" (silent H)
what the fuck
maybe she was trying to say howareYOUUUU but her mouth was full of sand
INTERLOPERS GO AWAY I NEED THIS
so yesterday i tried to print this horse on the top corner of his camel print-out
i snuck over to his stash, carefully extracted the TAINTED ARTIFACT, and loaded it into the printer to be printed upon
.... unfortunately it's a weird shape cuz he cut out his horrible print job to make it look less like shit so all i accomplished was jamming the printer
after which i had to open up the whole damned printer (which is larger than my entire body) to rescue the TAINTED ARTIFACT from it's clutches, and return it to its nest.
there is a vaguely horse-shaped smudge on it, now, but overall the operation was a failure
LEAVE YOUR DESK YOU SHITTER
STOP SKIPPING MEETINGS
🚨 THE TARGET IS DISCUSSING LUNCH PLANS 🚨
HE IS STRONGLY CONSIDERING JIMMY JOHNS
MY DISGUST, AND CONTEMPT, SURGE EVER HIGHER
🚨 OPERATIONAL SUCCESS 🚨
🚨 I REPEAT, ALL UNITS REPORTING OPERATIONAL SUCCESS 🚨
WE NOW AWAIT THE TARGET'S RETURN
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
ONE OF THE TARGET'S MAIN SUSPECTS, WHO NORMALLY WORKS FROM A DIFFERENT OFFICE, STOPPED BY FOR A VISIT
I COULDN'T HAVE PLANNED THIS BETTER
he's gonna be absolutely convinced this guy is responsible when he hears he was here from his cube neighbor
THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
as if to prove the message on the payload as correct as possible, he hasn't fucking noticed it
I WILL NOT ABANDON MY POST UNTIL I WITNESS HIS REACTION TO TODAY'S OPERATION
I WILL STARVE IN THIS CHAIR BEFORE I MISS THIS MOMENT, THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW TO YOU ALL,
i casually let him know he's "been horsed again".
"i got horsed??! damn! how long's that been there!"
he hasn't gotten up to look at it yet, perhaps awaiting his cube neighbor's return
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