how is libertarianism still a thing lmao, my god, watch robocop.

To the tune of β€œGlory, Glory, Hallelujah” 

*to the tune of Burt Fucks the Bees*

🎢Gurt. Suck then squeeze.🎢

There’s a guy on this subway train reading the newspaper. It’s 12:09 am you missed it my man just wait for the next one.

Mastodon? I thought this was Chicago, what with all of this discussion of white socks.

If you followed the how to guide that Billy Joel's song "It's Still Rock n' Roll to Me" lays out for you, you'd look like Elton John driving a 12 MPG Continental and...fuck, that's actually very Rock n' Roll

when the moon
hits your eye
you're too close
to the moon

*Billy Joel slams his car into a family's living room*

THEIR SON, TOMMINS: This guy is fucking rock n' roll

BILLY JOEL: Check this out. *unveils a very wide tie*

ME: Now THIS is Rock n' Roll

Billy Joel: you know i run with a dangerous crowd
Me, trying not to crack up: i did not know that billy joel

oh yeah? well could a depressed person do *this* [starts doing the macarena and crying]

I catch the eyes of the clerk at the H&M as I buy a large pack of socks. He nods to me, and I to him. Both of us know what fucking time it is.

nailing all my cum socks to the front door so my enemies know i'm free from sexual tension and focused like a laser.

About 15 minutes after you use them, the socks can stand perfectly vertical FYI.

I heard tell of "using a sock" when I was a lad, but no one explained to me that you actually put the sock right on there and I just thought it was because everyone had anxiety and didn't want to get caught bringing tissues into their room so they used the most accessible item, a sock. I did this for at least a year.

Am I perfect? No
Do I try my best to do better and improve myself incrementally every day? Also no.

*I am at Williams Sonoma and I select a knife*

ME: Cashier, how far can you throw this knife?
CASHIER: I don’t know, that depends on the person I guess.
ME: No far can YOU throw this knife??

*I immediately begin sprinting away holding a KitchenAid mixer*

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.