Teach a kid to fish, until some Pinkertons arrive and fuck it up for everyone

Please join my webinar "Teach a Man to Phish: Basics of Grifting Online"

fun fact if you ever send me a passive aggressive text I will grow 13 extra limbs and crawl out of your phone speaker

Alc Show more

A LOT of alc Show more

me after finishing my fourth meal at the portuguese chicken restaurant and deciding to have another

ladies and gentlemen,
it’s nandos no.5

A little bit of Monica borat my wife
A little bit of Erica borat my wife
A little bit of Rita borat my wife
A little bit of Tina borat my wife
A little bit of Sandra borat my wife
A little bit of Mary borat my wife
A little bit of Jessica, borat my wife
A little bit of you makes me your wife

[loud discordant trumpets]

Margaret Thatcher, Hostess Cakes Show more

Food Show more

catch jackdaw in the club, sipping on a grapefruit juice & club soda. chatting up the ladies like:

"you ever play a tower defense game? like, ANY tower defense game? you know those ice tower that slows down enemy waves? yeah, i came up with that. totally my idea. i don't like to brag about it though. other towers are 'cool' too."

❄️ πŸ—Ό ❄️ πŸ‘Ή

CHILD: I drew a maize!

*I am handed a very beautiful drawing of corn and spend the next 45 years trying to solve it until finally dying*

*pointing to a corn field*

ME: What’s that?


ME: *wanders in, never seen again*

i have a sneaking suspicion the reason they got the guy who produced the fast and the furious to do the sonic movie is because a studio exec was like "we need someone who really GETS speed"

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.