Whenever I am foolish enough to forget that Jamaican Rum is the most hardcore spirit I remind myself that they use something called a dunder pit when distilling it that legit contains goat skulls and dead bats.

My co-worker and I just got out of a meeting with a local tabletop game store about hosting events in our bar and we both took a deep breath and he said "there's gonna be so many fucking nerds in here, I'm so excited" and it made us very happy.

Firing an air rifle into the sky to punch holes in the ozone layer to own the libs.

LIPS ARE DRY
WORLD IS A FUCK
🐝🐝 Balm Em All 1984
I am wax man
410757864530 Dead Bees

Eating a pair of slacks so that later, I can shit my pants.

Shocked to find out via replies to the helldude that there is one user left on Masto. Theoretically, then, it must be me. I toot, therefore I am. Not sure how I'm keeping this many accounts active tbh.

✨✨ Follow me for more posts that make your dick hurt ✨✨

real men don't hit you up at 2 am asking for nude pics

real men hit their desk and ask for pictures of spiderman

Sorry I've been absent lately, I've been hunting the Mandarin Duck to construct a talisman that will give me +20% off at the grocery store.

DJ Khaled circa 2003 was the golden age of dumb, bad, over-enunciated ad libs that were incredibly on the nose and that's peak music for people who needed to be told how to feel about the song they're listening to.

Nostalgic for a time when ad libs in a song were just a guy yelling "tuh-tuh-totally, dude!" etc etc

*I tear away a white sheet covering an easel that has the words "no more white people" written on it in sharpie*

Good evening, Sharks...

Please CW your opinions if they're good. I only want to see the terrible takes.

Working on a character named "Giaccomo Pepperoncini". He is Italian.

hi I’m wheezing at this fun joke I just made I think it’s good

Hi, I’m a white college educated male, and I wanna say something controversial. The most vibrant genre of music out there right now? I think it’s rap. I know, wild, but those kids on the streets are doing something real. Now I’m not saying I’m a *hero* for expressing this, but, you know,

people with piss kinks are very lucky because they just naturally produce something they are attracted to.. that;s like if the next time i went to go pee a nice lady came out

Firing cold chowder out of a t-shirt cannon as I drive past Wall St.

I don't know what Luke Skywalker felt like lining up that perfect shot to destroy the Death Star, but trying to time when my bananas are ripe feels at least marginally adjacent.

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.