this is my
🎶 She’ll find you and she’ll kill you🎶
Molten Light / Chad VanGaalen
the music video that accompanies this song is animated & depicts an initial act of sexual & mortal violence against a woman)
body image; self-loathing 🙁
i’ve been going to physical therapy, masked & temperature-checked...
& while it’s good for me, i hate to look at my body in the mirror. i’ve been trying SO HARD to cut back on calories & get a lot of exercise/get back in shape. and while my clothes fit a little better, i hate that nothing i do, core-wise, elicits a discernible waistline anymore. my legs look good, but the pandemic lockdown has transformed me from an pear to an apple shape. it’s depressing. i loathe myself for it & idk if i’ll ever get my body back
why am i even there?
it was time for me to reactivate or i’d lose my accounts
plus honestly, more friends on there than here, unfortunately
so i’ve been over on birdsite & something weird that happened to me is i responded to the cool democratic socialist running for the mayor of my city, saying transit should be free
and she replied
and she liked & retweeted her own reply
which is nbd here but is not really something you do on 🐦
she liked my reply, and no one else did
it do be like that over on hellsite
musings - status update - sort of fed up/sad
i’m currently naked in a bathtub drinking some marginal home brew cider, thinking about my (ex?)boyfriend emailing me yesterday that he misses me so much (i emailed him back sweetly) then later saying he hates email. but he’s the one who earned the block, yet again, refuses to apologize, get mental health help (he’s insured) or just get to a more stable place in his life (he has the money now). he also refuses to read my old email saying i won’t put up with his verbal abuse anymore
so today i send him a photo of the snow & a brief message, & he replies “idgaf talk to someone else”
so i’m just numb, thinking of how much more i’ll need to write on a term paper tomorrow
i know armchair psych diagnosis is unhelpful, but i’ve probed the depths of DSMV diagnostics w/his behavior & i’m leaning heavily toward borderline pd
who knows anymore
nothing really matters tbh
A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.