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A lot of people wish they could understand all language, and that’s awesome, but for me, I’d rather be a universal conduit

Like, you want to plug that muskrat into an Atari? Let’s DO IT

I take out a hotel keycard, swipe it through the Statue of David’s ass and get a direct line to Michelangelo

I just feed 35mm film directly into a USB port, so I can watch old movies and ask the characters questions

I hold a seance, have a conversation with a ghost, get him to boost my WiFi signal so I can talk to the aliens one galaxy over, they’ve mastered time travel

Boom! Suddenly you can’t remember who Hitler was

“None of this makes sense” says a scientist, as I use an Atari controller to steer a muskrat toward a golf ball

“That’s what Hitler said when the Adromedans vaporized him”

“Who?”

“Oh right, I forgot he doesn’t exist anymore” I say, licking a stamp and applying it to a rock, which begins to play Old Town Road

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@RobinHood I remember someone wishing for the power to refill anything. Bank account empty? Refill! Reserves of energy running low? Refill! Annoying person’s bladder is unjustly empty? Refill!

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.