You want my lumps? You don't deserve my lovely ferret lumps.

[ME]: *on stage speaking into microphone after playing a long show as audience applauds* "THANK YOU BOSTON!!! WE LOVE YO--*starts giggling* sorry I can't say it--your city sux. Bad."

A show called "Hawg talk" on NPR w/ two guys w/ thick Boston accents.

Might be cheesy to say this, but life is way too short to spend being a miserable binch.

The box of q tips I bought like a year ago just ran out. I really don't know what to do. Feels like I'm a losing a friend.

[ME, LOOKING IN MIRROR]: *tears in eyes, visibly disheveled, smearing lipstick all over my face* "...they don't want me...they just want my memes..."

I've been keeping a list of everyone who doesn't boost or like my toots and holy shit this is a lot of time-consuming writing.

If you dont boost this toot by midnight Freddie Kruger will show up in your dreams wearing assless chaps.

How bad do you think Spiderman's balls smell after heavy exercise in a rubber suit all day? My guess: really bad.

Apartment to myself this weekend. Looks like imma put my balls on every piece of furniture in this binch.

I like to save my farts for when i get in an elevator. Really seals in the flavor.

Everyone loves halloween because it's the one major holiday where you don't have to see your family.

I always follow back, but for whatever reason, Mastodon isn't allowing me to follow certain people.

I keep getting a 500 error code.

So if I haven't followed you back, that's why.

How do we meet everyone's needs post-revolution?

It's hard.

Esp. if we rely on gov't.

Central planning for every unique need is impossible.

Each person/community knows best what they need.

So a social revolution from below is a must.

Not a "people's dictatorship" from above.

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.