Sticky toot

Divorce me once, shame on you. Divorce me twice, I'm joining a toxic subreddit.

Sticky toot

[ME]: *bicycling thru the carwash* "I HAVE JUST AS MUCH A RIGHT TO BE HERE AS THE CARS DO!!!"

Sticky toot

American death toll Show more

Sticky toot

I like big CHONKS and I cannot lie

You other tooters cant deny

When a kitty walks in w/ that itty bitty face

And that big CHONK in ur face

U GET LOVED!

Sticky toot

[MY BOSS]: "You and I need to have a chat about appropriate work attire..."

[ME]: *muffled noise*

[BOSS]: "I can't understand what you're saying."

[ME]: *removes ball gag from mouth* "I said 'talk to my union rep, binch.'"

Covering every inch of my boddy in crisco amd sliding my dirtbag ass down a bowling alley lane.

Using my Masto clout for a down payment on a time share.

[UNDER CROSS EXAMINATION IN THE COURTROOM]:

[ME]: *sighs after long pause* "...yes, I suppose furry-adjacent is a fair description of me..."

Firing my stunt double because evreyone was startimg to like him more than me. Not cool.

Finally got the final unredacted Mueller report. I usually don't like hentai, but this stuff is really tasteful.

"All the world's a stage kids!" I said, pulling Barney's costume head off on live TV, only to reveal another dinosaur underneath.

Injecting my hater's tears rihgt into my viens. Feels fukkin' awesome.

Putting sunglasses on my cat on the way to the vet to throw the paparazzi off her trail.

Gettimg real anxious waiting for my partner to come home from work. Might eat her shoes.

[SCIENTISTS]: "We're running out of water."

[NORMAL PERSON]: "We should probably stop using it in wasteful, unnecessary ways, like fracking."

[NEOLIBERALS]: "Let's raise its cost to discourage ppl from wasting it. We are geniuses."

Teaching the kids drawing w/ chalk on the sidewalk how to spell "fuck."

Throw pillows for middle-aged soccer moms that say shit like "wine o'clock" except it says "kratom o'clock."

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Radical Town

A cool and chill place for cool and chill people.