The Personification of Pisces @AudreyJune@radical.town

Now accepting submissions for
*TransMission(s)*, a collaborative zine by and for the transgender community. Our first issue will be under the theme of “Reclaiming our Narrative.” Our stories have been told by others for so long and consistently manipulated and warped to fit agendas and spread misinformation. When we speak with our own voice we back against these decades of gaslighting and lift each other up.

We’re looking for:
-essays
-short fiction
-poetry
-art
-comics
-photography

Any proceeds of sales will go to paying printing costs first, contributors second, and editors last.

Being generally positive and thankful for being trans without being Pollyanaish and erasing the struggle so many of us face.

That’s the space I try to occupy and maintain.

This is an excellent primer on voice feminization. It has a useful glossary and covers some key exercises.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j_-8dndFzKTX0xBSF15ZEJWdw958ryh0IPKq1sz8p04/edit?usp=drive_open&ouid=0

I am often more enamored with the idea of a thing than the material reality of it.

Living as a woman is probably the most notable exception to this. The reality has actually surpassed my meager expectations.

Every day I am like “goddamn, I am so glad I did this,” as I find small details to enjoy.

But honestly, the biggest thing is just looking in the mirror, and seeing myself. I mean seeing the *actual* person I am, and not the person everyone else wanted to be.

Nothing could be better.

One of the best parts about putting “queer” in your bio is that people know what they are signing up for when they follow you.

I mean, in a sense, a pale pink is kind of a neutral...

Actively shopping for my shoes now and having to ask myself if I really will follow through and wear pink patent leather Doc Martens everywhere this winter.

I am very neutral when it comes to feet, but shopping for boots is reminding me how fucking *hot* shoes can be.

Some patent leather ankle boots with a 3” heel? 🔥🔥

Seriously squirming over here.

So back in May, my doc and I agreed to cut my estradiol dose in half with the goal of lowering my levels.

I spent about 18 months with pretty high E2. I was mostly happy with it, as it suppressed my T and seemed to be working well, but she had said "oh we want to bring this down now." I didn't question it, but I was concerned with what that might mean for my T levels.

I haven't taken an anti-androgen since early 2019, but I had continued to have remarkably low levels of T due to the Estrogen suppressing T production.

We did labs in August and I discovered that somehow my T production had gone *down* from where it was in May, and was relieved.

But lately I have been concerned. I have had a breakout on my face for the first time in years, and I am always paranoid about masculine body odor returning.

Anyway, this is a long way of me saying that today I am taking spiro for the first time in 18 months simply as a form acne treatment.

We'll see how it goes.

Well it hasn't been 6 hours, but I have already written more than I originally intended to. 😂

Fuck, I started writing a post, and it now I have transferred it to google docs because it's getting long. I hope this doesn't turn into one of those "and then Audrey wrote for 6 hours" things.

I haven't bought a new pair of shoes in over a year...partially because every time I try to shop for them I always end up back at the same place: a pair of Doc Martens will probably actually be the thing that meets all of my needs.

And yes, I know, I talk about this all of the time, but I am never going to shut up about this. Just going to remind everyone when something fails to use an opportunity to bring up these points. It's especially frustrating to hear other similar struggles brought up (e.g. trans people being assumed to be gay).

It's just frustrating to me that the opposite problem is never pointed out...that trans lesbians and gay trans men don't have mainstream representation or visibility to our stories and how that makes it difficult for folks to identify themselves and transition.

Just finished watching "The Trans List" on HBO. It's excellent, and there were a lot of things that really hit home and I found touching and representative, especially a description of Femme Identity that felt like my own.

But, I am still waiting for that Trans Lesbian Representation. Still waiting for someone to be interviewed and talk about how our stories don't get seen.

Me: "I need to do a job that involves me interacting lots with people and performing intense--hopefully meaningful--emotional labor."

Also me: *takes an adderall* "oh hey, isn't it fun to just mess around with numbers all day? "

I started to explain this to a friend and she was like "oh you're optimistic about the election?"

And I am like "i mean, in a sesnse."

I am optimistic that we might avoid a civil war or some of the other threats posed directly to this country by the far-right, at least in the immediate future.

I am less optimistic about Joe Biden doing anything other than the most incremental of changes, especially on structural racism and inequality.

But I am pretty optimistic that we might have another election in 2024...so that's good.

This took a lot of characters for me to say that I am pretty optimistic about Shitty Joe Biden's chances of winning this election, and it's probably because I spend a lot of time learning about how polling and statistics works.

I am in this weird place where I hate the Biden/Harris ticket, and find the center-left in the US to be really tiresome and impossible to talk to and an impediment to radical positive change, while also being VERY concerned about the fascistic acceleration going on in our system overall and being either ignored or enabled by anyone right-of-center, AND I am also concerned about the possibility of the most devoted and violent fascists ignoring the outcome of this upcoming election, and doing everything possible to tip it their way, WHILE ALSO being more optimistic than anyone I know that they will fail.

I am basically like "oh our best possible outcome is hot garbage, and our current situation sucks, but I think we might actually be steering ourselves away from the course we have been on, which seemed like the worst possible timeline."

Thinking about FFXIV and my precocious child.

Does this game have an equivalent to the toxic trade chat of WoW? If so, can I turn it off?

A friend pointed this out to me last year and I think about it a lot.

Most of us intrinsically know this, which is why gaslighting is even possible. Someone you trust can absolutely manipulate you into believing that your version of reality is incorrect.

This is why your lived experience is the most important and cherished input to your beliefs, but it’s important to recognize its limitations, and the scope of what it can define.

Having strong opinions and beliefs backed up by facts and expediences are good, important and necessary.

However, any belief that you hold that is 100% non-falsifiable is indiscernible from a delusion.