My mom just sent me an article about how men often just have friendships of convenience with low levels of emotional support and will just stop talking to the friends that they don't have activities or spaces in common with anymore as they get older and hoo boy haha wow I've never done that haha
@Aleums haha...ha ha...
@brogepi *me thinking back on all the friends that I still like but don't talk to because of mysterious reasons* haha those poor men. Toxic masculinity am I right
@Aleums even when you have high levels of emotional support built up with someone, it's always harder to pursue a relationship when you have to explicitly make time with them. That's just science.
@Aleums Personally attacked
i've done that too, but honestly, that's because either they were trash or i never got around to asking for contact info- i think it was douglass adams who said once "there are people you're only friends with because you see them five times a week", and that's okay
ofc it's good to have close friends, but it's okay to have casual acquaintances rather than friends and to drift away from them after you stop having a reason to be in contact with them
@Aleums uhhhh idk that Id call this necessarily a men thing. I do this too, and a lot of it is a function of just being super busy as an adult
Friendship -, sui
@ItsJenNotGabby I think you're right, and that maybe the demands of adulthood lead men to readily dismiss friendships when they don't feel capable of maintaining them.
I found this excerpt to be pretty damning
@Aleums I mean hot take but, as long as this isn't the pattern everywhere in life, I don't see much of a problem with this?
like, you gotta have some emotional friendships, but the majority of friendships are friendships over a common space or activity cuz that's jus what's easy in life
the alternative is that *all* your friendships are hyperemotional and that *none* of them are lower-key / centered around something, and I don't think that that's something you want either y'know?
@Aleums I think of having different types of friendships. I call people friends who I intend to be friends with for ages and love them and want to talk with them all the time.
I call people buddies and pals who I Really like, but in a different capacity, like maybe one person isn't someone I want to be close with but how much fun at a party. Or like they are Too much for me to be friends with but I love getting coffee and just kicking back with them.
Most 'friends' are aquaintances
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